shame

Shame is defined as (n)a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. In psychology; shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness (Wikipedia.com). The impact of shame has been linked with multiple issues from low self esteem to anxiety and depression. Shame is not a surface emotion, it permeates our lives if unchecked. We can see the issue of shame dating back to the first man and woman in the garden. In the story of Adam and Eve, in Genesis 2:25 we see that they were in the garden naked and not ashamed. It isn’t until their “eyes are opened” that they felt the need to hide. It’s interesting that the knowledge made them more self conscious. In The Scientific American; an article by Annette Kämmerer (2019) she writes “shame makes us direct our focus inward and view our entire self in a negative light” “We feel shame when we violate the social norms we believe in. At such moments we feel humiliated, exposed and small and are unable to look another person straight in the eye. We want to sink into the ground and disappear.”

Shame produces such interesting behavior; from fastening fig leaves, sinking in the ground and even disappearing acts. The issue of shame is not new but I often wonder how it’s expressed in this age of social media and overly exposed lives. In a world with so many egos and entitled humans; is anyone struggling with shame?

While working with a few of my younger client’s I have found them sharing their use of “spam pages” for provocative thoughts, feelings, and pictures. They use alias names and create accounts were they can express less acceptable parts of themselves. A digital fig leaf to cover what they are embarrassed by but longing to express. Through these spam pages they have been able to feel a sense of relief and gauge the acceptance or potential rejection of strangers before allowing themselves to walk in their truth. This issue of shame has created false realities that seem safer than their actual lives. These young people are not alone. I find many adults playing a game of hide and seek with their authentic selves. Are we ashamed of wrong doing or are we uneasy from the comparisons we have made that would disqualify us from the race to most liked, best dressed, and most successful?

If we look to our life manual, the Bible, and the example, Jesus; He often calls us to a place of righteousness or right living. He, knowing his creation, see’s our garden of eden moments we when believe that the fruit will be so fulfilling that our lives will forever be changed. He see’s our error and still beckons. Much like Adam and Eve we find someone or something to blame, failing to see the redemptive power in admission. Speaking truth is not just about freeing yourself but allows access to the father. Many clients in therapy struggle with shame from things that they have refused to talk about. They have refused to give God access to issues that are too weighty for them to hold…and they are sinking. Shame is an access point. Choose carefully what you allow in, it will determine if you sink or swim. What is causing you to sink?