I’ve felt compelled to love since I was very young…At that time loving someone meant being kind to them. That’s it….I believed that it was necessary to always be nice and supportive even if they hurt me. I’ve tried to think back to where and when I became so misguided but the only conclusion that I have is pain. The experiences that I’ve had shaped me into a fearful, heavy, burden barring woman. I internalized other people’s stuff and felt that made me…..kind and loving. When truly I became part Garbage can. Yep…a dumping ground for rude and insecure people. (Mainly through childhood but the consequences remain) Most of those people were filled with the same or more pain than I.
My calling to “love” others, found a home in church and there I felt that my commitment to love finally made sense. For years I would bury my words, anger, hurt and clever come backs in order to take the high road. The road that has led to mental fog, tension, indecisiveness, failed friendships, obesity and feeling like an imposter.
I never expected to feel so fake from “loving” or being kind. I would hear people say that someone is fake or inauthentic. I never considered myself one of those people, however, the older I get the more I realize that I’m not who I want or need to be. I have denied an important part of my life.
This is the Journey to restoring my life my spirit and my garden.🌷🌹🌳🌻🌿
SEEDS of LOVE 