Month: August 2017

It’s awesome how pictures bring about revelation.
Many of us know our belief system and what matters the most. I can say that my family and my faith have been two areas that are extremely important and help to guide my decisions daily. They have impacted me from the inside out.

Today, when I looked behind a dirt pile in my yard, I saw that that roots had disturbed the foundation of my home and I was a little frustrated. This plant was on the outside and has made its way into the foundation of our home.
Later, have a few hours of digging and chopping I began to think about the evasiveness of the vine and how external things, problems, and people that have rocked our foundation. Some that have cracked and completely ruined a foundation. I can list many external factors that exist in our community and homes; like drugs, infidelity, incest, racism, and even poverty. But if we were to personalize it and be honest about what is taking root or has taken root in our lives what would you say? Does it full under the vague disguise of ‘I just need to get my life together’, our ‘once I’m out of this relationship it will get better’, or ‘I just don’t know how to budget money’……would we be bold enough to call the root what it is…complacency, fear, laziness, or lack of self control. I mean…..the truth has made of free….Right? I honestly can say that I often give easy more palatable titles to my issues. Hey…they mine right? Lol. Well I would also acknowledge that it has not helped one bit. I have to take my own advise and love myself enough to be honest. I’m lazy….and unmotivated. I talk a good game but when it’s time to put pen to paper✌🏿 I will find something else to do…or find a reason why it won’t work. Ahhh….I feel freer already!
I hate that this and other unhealthy habits and thoughts have taken root in my life causing me to spend less time with the people I love or worse….question and doubt my relationship with God. All of this because I have become to lazy to put in the real work, not the busy work. You know what I mean…..Honesty this hasn’t occurred in every area of my life but it has taken root in some situations. It’s just time to be honest…and then maybe we can dig it up at the root. We can dig deep and challenge the very thoughts and behaviors that keep us from succeeding.
Now if I could just find the right tools….

Today I decided to do a little weeding. More specifically I am trying to kill the vine that has scaled the front of our town home and is attempting to capture this edifice, one brick at a time.

Well, the vine has been here for quite some time. By the strength of the roots, I’d say the previous owner had to contend with it also.
I spent most of my time (which wasn’t very long because I’m a bit weak today) with the vines roots. These roots were old and strong, but the ground was moist and soft giving me the help I needed. As I was digging in the ground I was amazed of how deep the roots went and how small they were in some areas. So many roots for 1 vine! Instantly my heart went to scripture John 15 vs 1-16…..you know the one.. “I am the vine you are the Branches…” I won’t quote it completely here but know that those verse are talking about love…abiding or remaining in God’s love. The father goes on to say that we do this by obeying his commandments. Love in its simplest form is a vine. It’s strong and can grow quickly, Bearing many leaves, fruit, or flowers. When love is shown, in its purest form it causes everything it touches to grow and bring forth new life. Love is Seed! In practical terms when I show love I plant it in others. I also began think about my own strength and that I would have to be strong enough to hold all the branches, if I was the vine, but I’m not! I’m so glad I’m not God because then I would have to sustain each branch!! But because I am just a branch I get to be fed and sustained by God. It is not my job to grow, sustain, feed and prune the branches. I must do what my father gives me to do…….LOVE.
I recognize that I will undergo some pruning to make sure I stay healthy but after the trimming and cutting is complete I’ll look better and there is no disease or unhealthy things getting in between we and God….my Vine, my root, my strength and my nourishment. I can admit that I’m in a season of pruning RIGHT NOW!!! The father is removing the dis-ease, and it is terribly hard but I take comfort in knowing I’m still a branch loved and sustained by God. I belong to Him.

I’ve felt compelled to love since I was very young…At that time loving someone meant being kind to them. That’s it….I believed that it was necessary to always be nice and supportive even if they hurt me. I’ve tried to think back to where and when I became so misguided but the only conclusion that I have is pain. The experiences that I’ve had shaped me into a fearful, heavy, burden barring woman. I internalized other people’s stuff and felt that made me…..kind and loving. When truly I became part Garbage can. Yep…a dumping ground for rude and insecure people. (Mainly through childhood but the consequences remain) Most of those people were filled with the same or more pain than I.
My calling to “love” others, found a home in church and there I felt that my commitment to love finally made sense. For years I would bury my words, anger, hurt and clever come backs in order to take the high road. The road that has led to mental fog, tension, indecisiveness, failed friendships, obesity and feeling like an imposter.
I never expected to feel so fake from “loving” or being kind. I would hear people say that someone is fake or inauthentic. I never considered myself one of those people, however, the older I get the more I realize that I’m not who I want or need to be. I have denied an important part of my life.
This is the Journey to restoring my life my spirit and my garden.🌷🌹🌳🌻🌿